Sexual sin. Impurity.
It’s a real struggle. A deep struggle for some.
And if you say you haven’t struggled with it, it may be time for a moment of honesty with yourself.
Your sexual sin may be infidelity or viewing pornography.
But perhaps it’s not so obvious. Maybe it’s inviting temptation by viewing movies or reading books that portray unrealistic fantasies; a type of “emotional porn.” Either way, these actions stem from a desire for something different in your marriage; a different sex life or even a different spouse.
God’s word tells us in Matthew 5:27-28, You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at another with lust has already committed adultery in his heart.
Sexual purity is a matter of the HEART. God wants to change our hearts in order to change our marriage, thus aligning it with His design.
A design which beautifully depicts His love for His people.
(Do you want to learn about God’s design and purpose for marriage? Click HERE.)
(To learn more about God's design for sex, read Let's Talk About Sex.)
A key question to think about as you read today:
Does sexual temptation have you running FROM your spouse or TOWARD your spouse?
Marriage: A Highlight of Creation
Recall the creation story.
On day 6, God created Adam and Eve. Here is a recap:
It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him. Adam takes a nap, and God creates Eve who was formed from Adam’s rib and called “flesh of his flesh” (Genesis 2:22-23).
God created man in His image; in the divine image He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them, saying: ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it’ (Genesis 1: 27-28).
Man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
They were both naked and they felt no shame (Genesis 2:25).
What does all this mean?
God made Adam and Eve for each other; to complement one another. He made you and your spouse for one another; to complement each other.
This means YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED TO THE PERSON GOD HAS CREATED AND GIVEN YOU.
Also, God wants you and your spouse to enjoy each other physically. “Be fruitful and multiply. NAKED and unashamed.” IN THE FIRST MARRIAGE, HUSBAND AND WIFE HAD NOTHING TO HIDE PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, OR SPIRITUALLY- FROM EACH OTHER OR FROM GOD. This is a significant statement about PURITY, marriage & sexuality.
Ultimately it means: before sin entered the world, everything was different. It was perfect; the way God intended it to be.
It was more naked in the Garden of Eden than anything on the internet… and God was not blushing!
He made sex within marriage to bring immense pleasure and joy, deepen our connection with our spouse, and ultimately glorify Him.
It also brings some “offense” to spiritual warfare as well. Let me explain…
Satan’s Influence
Satan has been trying to ruin sexuality.
He’s been lying to believers and unbelievers for generations.
If we read Genesis 3, this is no surprise:
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1)
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” (Genesis 3:2-3)
“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:4-5)
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. (Genesis 3:6)
2 Lies
The first sin in the Garden of Eden reveals two lies, (though most of us only learn about the first).
God gives Adam and Eve a garden and says, “Eat anything you want. ANYTHING except fruit from this one tree.”
He also says, “Enjoy your marriage. Go make some babies, and have fun doing it!”
Along comes Satan, the Father of Lies, and whispers the first lie:
God is withholding something from you.
And with that, God’s goodness is doubted, they both eat the forbidden fruit, and sin enters the world.
At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. (Genesis 3:7)
Satan achieved his first goal: deceiving Adam and Eve into believing God was withholding knowledge and wisdom from them.
Satan deceived them a second way; one we don’t often learn about. His second lie:
Something is wrong with you sexually in God’s eyes.
Genesis 3:8-10 says, Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
Hold up, Adam.
God has SEEN you and Eve naked- in your purest form. He CREATED you that way! But…
Satan wanted to destroy physical purity. And so Adam and Eve went from how God made them (naked and unashamed) to self-restrained.
Satan wants us to be sexually frustrated and ashamed.
He doesn’t want us to express our sexual desires within marriage where GOD designed it.
Instead, Satan wants our frustration to tempt us to look outside of marriage for sexual fulfillment.
And the worst part is, in some ways we help him in his deceptive schemes.
You may be wondering… how?
Put off the old, put on the new
Think about the typical “Sunday school purity.” It is often defined as abstinence; the “putting off” of the old, sinful self (Ephesians 4:22).
This “putting off” of our old self means:
Abstinence before marriage
Resistance to Satan’s sexual temptation- for both married and unmarried
Avoiding porn and remaining faithful to our spouse
What we’re missing is that, once we’re married, we must also “PUT ON” the new self (Ephesians 4:23-24).
This means we must put on:
Pursuing God
Pursuing our spouse
Sexual purity is not just avoidance, sexual purity is passionate pursuit.
And passionate pursuit is a critical part of how married couples demonstrate the truth of God’s design for marriage.
Vow to Change: An Encouraging Call to Action
If your desires are not focused on your spouse, it is time to change that!
Find out how to finish strong- with sexual purity and in passionate pursuit of your spouse; listen to this week’s podcast: PORN TO PURITY: The Facts:: [Episode 158]
Sexual purity is partly about passionately pursuing your spouse.
Do you pursue your spouse? Are you passionate about it?
If not, take time this week (or right now!) to read the following blog posts:
Take a moment to answer the following questions:
From the standpoint of purity, did you start your marriage strong or wrong? Either way, strong can go wrong, but wrong can be redeemed! If you want to finish your marriage strong, read 2 Secrets Every Marriage Needs to Be Successful. And Remember...
How you started- and how you’re doing- does not determine how you will finish.
Does sexual temptation have you running FROM or TOWARD your spouse? Does it have you talking to or hiding from your spouse?
Spend time moving toward your spouse this week. Pursue them. Love them with Christ-like love. For help, motivation, and practical ideas on pursuit, Listen to the following podcast series this week:
And listen to the following podcasts:
Are you feeling disheartened because your spouse is in sin in the sexual purity arena? If so, consider the following:
Take heart. Know that God understands fully and completely how you feel, and He LOVES you and your spouse (John 10:14-15).
Pray. Ask the Lord for guidance on how to best love your spouse through his/her sexual struggles. Ask Him to provide a time for loving conversation to take place between you and your spouse in which you tell them your concerns. Then pray that He would work mightily in your spouse’s heart- softening it to conform to Christ.
Encourage your spouse. Look for ways in which they're succeeding and doing well. Show your appreciation, even if it's simply being thankful for how God made them.
Be honest and ask for forgiveness. Even if it seems small, or only happens occasionally, chances are you’ve struggled in the sexual purity realm, too. Be honest with your spouse; confess your sin and let them see your weakness. Your modeling confession and repentance will encourage your spouse to do the same. (Need advice on seeking and/or extending forgiveness? Read THIS.)
I pray you would know/feel God’s faithful and abundant love- and His peace- as you passionately pursue your spouse, whom He created just for you.
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